


Hue

by ChildishSadism



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Animal Abuse, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, I love hurting cute Eren, M/M, Mental Institutions, Psychological Torture, Psychological Trauma, Psychopath, psychiatrist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-21
Updated: 2014-01-21
Packaged: 2018-01-09 12:25:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1145962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChildishSadism/pseuds/ChildishSadism
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Daddy liked him too much, mommy didn't love him, his sister never helped. It started with three and ended with twenty, and now he is locked away with a monster that is bigger than the one he thought he was.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hue

**Author's Note:**

> i don't know, I think I'm feeling a bit sick lately.
> 
> Other Warnings: My grammar, sorry, I like to butcher English once in a while.

What colors can you see?

Putrid hatred.

That wasn't a color was it? What colors could he see?

Red, he could see red and black.

Those were colors, what else could he see?

Black and blue.

The two colors that terrified him the most. Yet, in the never ending white room he was in, there were none of those colors. All he could see were the different shades of white that blended in to gray, the dirty spots on the soft padding and his own clothing. He twitched and squirmed, hitting his back against the wall behind him, and maybe he was screaming. He probably was, his throat was burning and he could taste blood.

Red, he could see red again.

The grin that was twisting on his lips was too wide and as his teeth dug into the inside of his cheek he found the red color spitting out of his mouth.

More.

He wanted to see it more. He needed to see it to end the twitching in his stomach, the twisting of his body and the anxiety that was building up in his bones. He jerked and screamed again and then people came in. Something was pushed into his mouth and kept him from biting himself any longer.

How sad, too bad.

* * *

Eren, his name was called by so many people, always telling him what to do, what to eat. Always asking him who he was and what was going on through his head. The poor thing, he was never getting out. He was a bit too crazy, maybe a bit too insane, always talking to himself, always looking at everyone with those damned bright, honey colored eyes. Everyone was so very afraid of him, some nurses couldn't even get near him, so many people ignored him.

It had been a long time since he had come to live here. Maybe it had been a year or maybe it had been ten. All he could remember was a little dark room, and a light above his head. He had been trapped there, listening to the noises around him, listening to his family walking up and down the stairs. He had never been very normal you see, he couldn't be taken anywhere.

He could still count the number of steps that it would take someone to go from the first floor to the second floor.

12 steps for daddy. 15 steps for mommy. 14 steps for his sister. She always jumped the last step.

He could see more colors in his tiny room than in the hospital. He could wear more clothes in his own little broken home than in here. He was taken outside into his house. He was given walks like a good boy, his mother would pat his head and kiss his forehead and she would hug him, until he started to struggle and he wasn't sure why. He couldn't understand why he couldn't hug her like his sister. Why was he fighting, why was he convulsing, why was he kicking and why was he scratching.

Mommy felt too sad when talking to him, she cried when she would look at him and so she stopped. She never open up the door.

Eren could remember that his dad would pat his head. He would give him pills to swallow and once in a while he would make him swallow something else. He would pierce his skin with needles until he was twitching and drooling and he would crawl and cry. He was scared, so afraid. But the more he crawled the more it hurt and the more his dad would follow him. Whenever he was around him, all colors were drained and all he could see was in black and white. He could see the dirt on the floor, on the carpet, in his filthy little room because he had to eat here, he had to do everything there. He couldn't leave until the door was opened up for him.

Everything became disgusting when around his dad, the filth underneath his nails looked like maggots were crawling out, and his hair felt oily and dirty. He could see dirt clinging to his skin and he could smell how terrible his room truly was. He was shaking and trembling, crying and screaming but none of that helped. Once the door was closed and he was alone with him, nothing could be done. And the burning was so painful, he clawed at it and tried to stop it, to stop the fire that was spreading over his body and eating him hole.

Maybe he hadn't been always this crazy, maybe he was just a tiny wind up toy. He had started out good but he kept being used and used until he broke apart and couldn't do much anymore.

Yeah, maybe that's what happened.

Maybe that's how it happened.

So it had been okay to kill them. It had been perfectly fine to kill them, and the ones after and the ones after that one. It was okay. It had always been okay, it made his body steady, it kept his nerves from wrecking and it kept his anxiety from forcing him to scratch his arms until they were bleeding.

Hurting them made him feel better, hurting them made him feel so good. Carving them made him feel creative. Tearing them up made him have a will. He moved through it like it was second nature, his body was twitching and his legs were jerking him around, making him move like water, fluently stabbing the people in front of him until he had his fill.

It started out with 3 and how many did it end up with? Who knew.

Yet, he wished he hadn't done it. He wished he had stayed in his dirty room, with his filthy family and the needles. He wished he was still there, with needles piercing his eyes and with his mommy and daddy whispering in his ear. He wanted to be there again, he wanted to hug his dirty pillow and play with his old toys. Once again, once more. He wanted to talk to his sister and ask her to read to him through the cracks on the steps.

Because Eren was okay, he was fine. He was okay being everywhere, until the two colors he was afraid of came into the room.

Ah, insane little thing always crawling and clawing when it was time to talk to his doctor. Always screaming and shaking his head. He had to be sedated so many times or tied to the bed, why would he act like this, nobody knew. Why would anyone do this? Nobody cared. It was another crazy, broken little thing, to be kept in the toy box and to be forced to keep living. Even if he threw up, even if he was crying and shaking his head, nobody could understand why Eren would be so afraid of doctor Levi.

Levi was such a good doctor, the best doctor. He always knew what to do, he always knew how things worked. Levi was so clean and always smelled so fresh. He never looked unkempt and his clothes were always so nice. He was such a good doctor, always taking care of his patients, always helping them. He had saved so many people, and so many people loved him. Even if he was rude, even if he was cold, he did what he did really well. He spoke with such a nice voice, always calm and pretty and he had such dark blue eyes and jet black hair.

They say that only crazy people become psychiatrists. You'll have to be crazy in order to understand crazy people...maybe that's why Levi was so good at his job. Because as soon as the doors were shut closed and he was left alone, everything changed.

Eren twitched and scratched at his arms, he was crying and he didn't even know it. He was curling up and shaking his head. He was screaming and couldn't stop. He was going to be sedated and he knew it. He was going to be thrown back into the tight white room and he was going to be spat on and laughed at.

Because those blue eyes moved closer and closer and Eren saw the change, he saw the glint of madness and then the twisted smirk that became wider and wider. He watched as the doctor moved closer, the white robe turning dark, the uniform underneath turning a bright red and Levi's hands, they weren't a pale color anymore, they looked dark like charcoal and they left dirty stains on Eren's skin as he touched his face. But the skin on his face remained pale and sick. The dark hair almost looked like a dark fog and Eren felt tears pouring out of his eyes.

The hands wiped the tears away, soothing him. Fingers were stroking his hair, pulling him closer with a sharp tug that made him scream. He felt the fingers pushing against his eyes, he felt them scratching his lips and pulling him closer and closer.

Poor thing, maybe only crazy people could love him.

People were so used to hearing him scream, why did he have to be so loud. How could doctor Levi be so patient and stand being in that room with him. How did he stand being hurt by him and listening to the yelling. He was such a good person, such a patient man. What a kind doctor.

But maybe they had heard him scream so many times that they couldn't notice the difference, that they couldn't hear the pleas and the sobbing. Or maybe they didn't care, the crazy little Eren was going to be here forever. Maybe it didn't matter anymore, maybe it had never mattered what happened to him. He was insane Eren, the crazy little thing that was found in his house hugging his mother's butchered corpse that had rotted away. He was the little kid that had been jumping from hospital to hospital and finally ended up here, in such a dark place, so far away from anyone that he could hurt with so many people the knew how to deal with people like him.

They dealt with people like him by drugging him, telling him that he was going to be fine and treating him like filthy mutt.

Nobody cared anymore. The crazy patient with the honey colored eyes was all alone and his crazy doctor leaned in to kiss his forehead and talk to him like his mother would. Eren kicked and screamed. And the words his mother would say poured out of that filthy mouth, and then he could see black and white colors again, the same colors he hated. The same colors only his daddy could bring, but the blue eyes stayed bright and stared at him with the twisted smile that wanted to laugh and wanted to scream, like he was.

The lips kissed him and licked him. They bit him and pulled on his skin. The rough tongue licked his cheek and eyes, even biting his eyelids and pulling on them as the other moved with him. Because Eren always pretended he couldn't feel it, he always thought that all that Levi was doing was eating him, but as soon as he felt the other moving, he could feel the pain in between his legs. He could feel the burning that was building inside of him and the reason why he wanted to scream until the pain crawled out of his body with his voice.

He was so sad, he wanted to curl up and cry. He was such an emotional mess, he wasn't sure what to feel at all, so he felt everything at once. But the charcoal hands were always there, reaching for him and pulling him in, whispering for him to feel everything. To tell him everything. Because the snake next to him had a way with words, and he looked so nice to everyone. He would whisper on his ear the same thing his dad used to whisper, making his head go a little bit more insane, his thoughts twisting and breaking. He could even tell him the same stories his sister used to tell him.

Because Levi, Levi was everything Eren didn't want to hear anymore, it was everything he kept trying to forget. And then Levi would scream in his ear and sound just like they did when he was killing them, when he took them away and Eren would break. He would cry and twitch until his body couldn't stop, until his eyes were rolling to the back of his head, until his legs were tense and his body couldn't bend anymore, and just then would Levi fuck him again. Just when he couldn't control his body and just when he couldn't do anything but twitch without control.

Because he was so tight when he was like this. He was so tight and he hugged his cock so well.

Then everything was over and Eren was left there, and Levi was back to normal, the same white coat and nice uniform. He looked so clean and nice. So out of place and Eren could still feel the charcoal hands touching him, he could still feel the dirt that was left behind all over him, inside of him, clawing at his insides and making them burn until he couldn't move, until he was crying and sobbing because he didn't understand what was happening, he had no idea. All he knew was that he hated it.

He didn't like it.

Eren was given food in his room. Always the same pills and he hardly could leave. But sometimes a pretty, nice nurse would let him out. Sometimes he was able to see the grass again and he would crawl and smell the earth and he would look at the sky. He had never seen it for a long time, he hadn't seen it when he was stuck in his little room and he couldn't see it now that he was here, but the pretty nurse was nice and she was always good to him. She smiled and would let him run around, and she would read a book as Eren sat on the grass or near the trees. He never wanted to leave the outside, it was bright and full of colors. Not only red and dark and blue. He could see so many different things and the crazy little feeling inside of him would leave, it would disappear and all he did was cry and cry, because he was tired. Because he was exhausted and all the crazy little thing wanted to do was to stay outside forever and wait for the earth underneath him to take him away.

It is too bad the pretty nurse can only help him so much, can only take him outside every so often, because Levi didn't want him to be outside and she would do whatever he wanted. She would smile at him with happiness and Eren, he was too sad. In the end, he could only get away for as long as Levi wanted, in the end he was allowed to go outside so his pretty eyes were filled with happiness and hope but those feelings, those emotions were soon washed away when he entered the hospital again and Levi was standing there, smiling at him and looking at him, knowing fully well that as much as Eren wanted, his crazy little mind was never going to run away.

Eren didn't have a little home, even with the pretty nurse. She was all smiles and kindness but she was also so loving and she loved someone very much. It was too bad when he could hear it, when he could hear her noises and when he would hear her moans. It was disgusting, repulsive and he had to cover his ears but the noises kept going, because Eren was not locked away when this would happen, and he knew what he would see whenever he turned around the corner. The crazy doctor was going to be there, and his twisted smirk was going to be directed to him and the blue eyes were going to be staring at him as he kept fucking the nice little nurse. The nurse that was in love and helped Eren, because Eren in the end had nobody, and the one that controlled his life was the dark doctor that wouldn't spare any details.

The leash was tight around his neck and it suffocated him. Or maybe it was just Levi choking him while he fucked him from behind, he wasn't sure which one it was. He just couldn't breath and his mind was wandering off, far away. But there was nowhere to escape, where could he run? Nothing in his memory could make him happy, make him forget about what was happening. Nothing could be his little sanctuary, except the outside, the green grass and flowers. The fields that were waved in front of him, to tempt him, to make him have hope, just so he was dragged crawling and crying back to his room.

It was funny, almost a bit too much, how dirty Levi felt and how dirty Eren was, but in the end Levi was always so clean. He would make him bathe and he would make him take long showers, always telling him where to clean, always telling him how to clean himself, because Eren had to be clean, because he was not an animal. But when Levi asked him and ordered him how to clean himself, he ended up being thrown against the wall and with the burning pain back on his hips, and he felt like drowning in the water, choking and losing consciousness. He was cleaned so well, his ears, his hair. The fingers lovingly petting his hair and relaxing his muscles. The hands would rub small circles on his back as the soap coated his skin. He needed help you see, Eren was too incompetent to shower on his own. He was far too gone and so he was handcuffed and gagged so he wouldn't hurt himself, so he wouldn't attack Levi and then the dark doctor would bathe him.

Everything was cleaned, behind his ears, his back, even in between his toes. He was so clean and he smelled so good and Levi would lean in and he would bury his face against his neck and sniff him and he would bite the skin there and then the soap was dropped and the shampoo was slapped on his face, making his eyes burn and leaving him unable to see. It burned and it hurt and Levi was still nuzzling against his neck, keeping him still and telling him how he was a good boy, such a good boy.

He was getting clean for him, only him, because Levi liked it when Eren was clean. He loved when Eren was clean. He was so pretty and good when he was clean. Everything Eren did was for him, Eren lived for him and was always going to be his.

The crazy little thing was so docile when clean, when he wasn't filthy he couldn't remember what happened before. When he was clean and fresh he forgot about the dark bedroom and the crazy hospital and he just looked confused, so confused, because he couldn't remember Levi. Because he couldn't remember who he was. It was too bad, and so sick, because the twitchy smirk in Levi's lips always grew bigger when Eren couldn't remember him.

It was always fun, if Eren couldn't remember him, then he couldn't remember what he had done to him. The crazy doctor could break him down once again, watch him crumble and scream and struggle.

Tsk, tsk, maybe he was being too mean to his poor little patient. After all he was just sick but Levi loved sick so much, he really did, it was so pretty, Eren was so pretty and he had big eyes that Levi just wanted to pull out. He wanted to keep them and take them with him, he wanted to fuck Eren's eye sockets and cum in them, he wanted to tear him to shreds and watch him crawl in place until he died...but doing that would take the little doll away, and Levi couldn't let that happen. He had worked hard to keep Eren, he worked so hard so he wasn't found out and he had been looking for someone like him for so long.

Levi liked broken things, he always thought ugly things were prettier. Even if they were disgusting and crawled underneath him like dirt on his boots, they were so pretty to look at. He had always been like this since he was little but he was such a good boy, such a good kid all the time. Rude and cold but always doing the right thing, always being good in school and always being good to his parents. Nobody knew, nobody could tell of how much he liked twisted things, nobody was able to realize what he would stare at on his computer at night, or the bloody things he would search for everywhere.

A twisted little mind he had, with only one trail of thoughts, how much he really enjoyed stepping on broken, pretty things. How much he enjoyed twisting them and molding them, sewing them together and ripping them apart again until he was satisfied with his creation, until he was happy with the new rag doll, and Eren, Eren was such a pretty little thing, with such pretty dark hair and golden eyes that seem to glow with madness. He was so perfect and each time he tasted him, each time he fucked him, all he could do is think of what he would do next. What could happen next, how would he like him better next.

Maybe one day he would pull out one of those eyeballs, after all Eren hurt himself enough, it wouldn't be a surprise if he did this as well. Nobody would believe that crazy little thing, after all Levi was the sane one, Levi was the good one and nobody was able to see the twisted smile or the glee in his eyes when Eren was in pain, when Eren was crying and crawling on the floor, pleading for them to not leave him alone with him.

Ah, he needed to teach him better manners. Eren needed to know better.

After all, who was going to believe Eren, the crazy little kid that killed his family and twenty more people. The crazy little kid that would butcher them, starting with the hands, and feet, then the knees and elbows, until he felt like carving and writing on their bodies, how good their mommy was, how bad their daddy was and how much he hated how filthy his room had been.

Eren hated filth just like him.

Eren had hated his parents just like him.

Eren had killed people to feel better, to feel free. Levi loved hurting people and collecting broken things.

It was perfect. So perfect and Levi hummed in satisfaction and kissed Eren's ear and he watch him tremble in fear. He watched the poor doll pull away and curl up and the doctor smiled, such a kind, twisted smile and he reached for him and he kicked him and he hurt him for pulling away from him but then he felt like playing with Eren, felt like dancing with him and so the two did as Levi kept humming his song and Eren leaned against him with blood crawling out of his mouth.

Eren reminded him of a puppy, a cute little thing that would curl up when wounded, that would sniffle and cry and beg for the pain to stop. It reminded him of the puppy he used to own, too bad it died in such a tragic accident, too bad the puppy was so clumsy! It fell down the stairs and broke its neck, and everyone was sad and they promised Levi a new one. It died in the yard, by choking itself with its own leash. Oh, wait, he had done that. Yeah, he had, because was always funny to see those cute little, furry things cry in pain until they snapped. Just like Eren, just like the little doll he was sewing a new.

The two were going to be together like this for a long time. As long as Levi could keep Eren he wouldn't have to kill his staff, he wouldn't have to set the hospital on fire, because if they were to take Eren away, then he was going to do everything he could to drag him down with him, to take him with him and to keep him with him. Because it was about what Levi wanted and Levi wanted the pretty crazy thing, and he hugged him and kissed him as he forced him to drag his feet with him. He bit him and scratched him, until he let out a small scream. He fucked him and hurt him, until Eren was a sobbing mess.

Eren couldn't live without him, he loved him too much. Eren wasn't going to be able to keep going without him. He belonged to him. All of this made sense, it all did, because Levi was sure that Eren was a sad little thing that loved to be handled like this. Why would would he had loved a mother that allowed her husband to rape her son, why else would he cling to the corpse of the woman that would cut and burn his skin. How could he stay so loyal to the person that betrayed him and made him eat rotten food. But crazy little Eren couldn't remember this, he could only remember the loving hugs that came with pain, the kisses that came with a slap and a pull on his hair. The smiles that came with growls and kicks until he couldn't walk.

Crazy little Eren, poor thing, he wasn't born like this. Levi knew this but his cute play thing could never remember, because he could only remember a loving little mother, just like he could only remember the pretty nurse saying nice things to him and not the times when she would slap him and pull on his hair for keeping Levi's attention. He couldn't remember when the nurse dragged him out of his room and sprayed him with hot water, he couldn't remember when the pretty, nice, and oh so kind nurse used a needle to stab his side over and over, making sure not to hit anything that would harm him but also making it painful for the crazy patient.

Eren was going to see Levi like that one day and Levi was thrilled, he wanted it to happen already. He wanted to see it and he was going to welcome it with open arms, because only then would he be done, and only then would he keep Eren for his own. In this crazy little house, everyone was a bit too insane, and in this personal hell, Eren was going to be the one thing that was going to keep him happy, that was going to make his time worth something.

The world was going to stop for them, the world was always going to be the same for them, time did not exist and as much as Eren begged for his time to run out, as much as he cried for it to end, the clock wasn't even ticking and it always pointed at the same number.

After all, where could Eren go? Where could he hide? The little white room was his new room and the new doctor with a crooked smile and a twisted stare was the one blocking the door and keeping the key.

Time was going to stay still and Levi was going to make sure that Eren was never going to leave.

**Author's Note:**

> I like to hear stuff.


End file.
